Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
