I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
my liver is dry heaving
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
