we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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