My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
