I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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