I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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