Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
