toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize