Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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