What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
