Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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