party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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