We named our party play list daddy issues
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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