mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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