I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize