i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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