can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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