so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
