I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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