Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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