In the future we'll all be gay
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
