Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
