Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
