you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
