There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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