I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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