i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
