is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
