Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can I color on your dick again?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
