on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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