One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
