just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
