Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
