I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
