You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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