After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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