I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
