I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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