Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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