i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
