By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
