i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think people are normalizing furries
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize