That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
