I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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