You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
