we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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