there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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