i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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