Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
