1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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