saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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