She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
