i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
