I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
