Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
