there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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