$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
