"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
